Today my friend told me that his older brother locks him in the closet so often that his mom leaves a whistle there so she knows to get him out
how the hell does justin bieber walking in a straight line make worldwide news headlines but the invasion of ukraine by russia and the possibility of a world war doesnt
I hadn’t said anything in my English class until last week, because when the professor was calling attendance, he wasn’t looking up, so when he said my name, I went, “Here”, and some dude in the back of the class practically screamed, “DAMN, NIGGA, YO VOICE DEEP AS FUCK!”
Greatest SELFIE in the history of selfies
ive always hated kids
"did you hate yourself when you were a kid"
I don’t find myself unattractive, but I also don’t find myself attractive. I feel like I’m just sort of here, not something that really grabs anyone’s attention. Sort of like a chair. Or maybe a lamp.
I told this girl that I would bring her gum today, but little does she know that I’m not bringing her SHIT
of course you’re not bringing her shit, you said you’d bring gum
famous beyonce fans tweet about bey’s “surprise album release”
my emergency survival kit is just gonna be a dog. maybe a bandaid.
Wheres the rest of this wikihow
what are you doing in my swamp