I love HIM. A lot. I can’t let him go.
It’s like, when i met him, back in 7th grade. Even thought we didn’t talk much in middle school, and didn’t get beyond a hi until like 8th grade prom. I felt like he was going to be someone important in my life. He really did have me at hello. Just the idea of being with him at that time, had me thinking. Ever since that day i had a crush on him. Then came prom, and we had an actual conversation. That summer, i began talking to him, i fell even harder for him.. then came my ex boyfriend. The boy i lost my v-card to. I regret it completely. I mean, i loved him at the time and all. But it fucked up my whole year. we got into it too fast, and i fucked up because i was still not over HIM. April 2010 was one of the best months, yet, the worst. April 17 is a day i will never forget. it was mine and HIMs first date. and also a date when we first started going out. It was too soon, because before that day was when i broke up with my ex. Me and HIM just went out too fast. I hate myself for it. That same week, I cheated on him because my stupid unexperienced teenage mind thought i still loved my ex. It turned out to be lust between me and my ex. Sigh i’ve been wanting to kill myself ever since then. I fell harder for HIM. After i broke up with my ex god knows how many times, i ended it completely. Then set a date to see HIM Aug. 7th. it was one of the best days of my life.. after that, i knew he was the only guy i wanted. i’ve been working so hard to get him back.. i mean, i really want him back. so much. Wich is why it hurt me when he said he didnt want to see me again after aug. 7th. my heart shattered and i couldn’t stop thinking about him. He doesn’t believe in love. Which makes things harder. Finally after 5 months or so, i finally got to see him again jan.17. now i dont know why he wanted to see me. But we had fun. even thought we were freezing lol. i really love this boy. He doesn’t understand the shit im going through right now. With myself, thoughts about myself, problems at school, family problems, he doesn’t know about this. He doesn’t know i still cut myself from time to time. i want to tell him but i don’t want another person being disappointed in me.. im insanely stressed. to make things worse, my past came back to haunt me the other day, and it made me feel more like shit, dirt, and fucking hideous. i really want HIM back but waiting for him and all these emotions and all this pain… it’s killing me inside. I miss him so much.. he’s the only thing keeping me happy but he’s also whats making me feel pain. and im probably causing him pain. i dont want to give up on him, i cant. ive tried but i cant. I feel so pathetic. he doesn’t feel the same way i do. he says its lust and he cares about me, and at some point he got jelous of something. I wish i never made those mistakes.. i wish he could just open up to me and tell me how he really feels and what he thinks. =( but i’m scared he’s going to be cruel about everything and hurt me. or i might say some things and hurt him. my friend said i should give up on his emo ass but his emo ass is who i really want. i cant see myself with anyone else and i’ve only ever felt this way for him. i’d take a bullet to the chest for him. i’d do anything for him yet the one thing he wants me to do is give up but i cant. im sorry edgard for making shit harder. I’m sorry for not giving up im sorry for being so persistant. im sorry for the mistakes i made last year. im sorry for loving you the way i do. im sorry i deserve to die right now.
I’ve never seen a smile that can light the room like yours
It’s simply radiant, I feel more with everyday that goes by
I watch the clock to make my timing just right
Would it be okay?
Would it be okay if I took your breath away?
best idea for his gift.
a whole portfolio of my work, including a portrait of him and some poems i made.
along with a hand made paper flower. :)
hopefully, this isnt a waste =)