my depression just comes and goes. Most of the time I don’t know why but sometimes I do. Like right now, I don’t know if it’s because I feel alone, or insecure. I don’t know if it’s because I keep having flashbacks to the old days and I feel overwhelmed, or if it’s because I recently came into the realization of how SHIT my family really is. I don’t know if it’s because everyone around me makes me feel like I’m not good enough to LIVE, or if it’s because I’m surrounded by death and I just feel like I can’t get away. I don’t know if it’s because I have feelings for a guy who probably doesn’t think not even once about me, or if it’s because I had sex with a girl I’ve had feelings for a while now and I made things completely awkward.
I don’t know.
I just don’t fucking KNOW.
was the best day of my life and I will never forget it. Just like I would never forget how I fucked everything up. How he was and always will be the one that got away. The only guy in my life who I ever really loved and yea. I fucked up. If I can get him back, I would. But he doesn’t want me anymore. There’s no point in trying anymore. It’s been 2 years and even though he says he forgives me, I don’t know if I forgive me. He was the only guy that was capable of making me that happy and I fell for him so fast. It’s been 2 years since our first date and about 4 when I started liking him. Even now my heart skips whenever I hear his name. It skips whenever I see him. It skips even when I hug him. I will never forget how I fucked up with him.
I love you. Today would have been our 2 year anniversary and I wonder if you remember this was our date.
Edgard E. Rodriguez, I’m never going to get over you, am I?